wake me up or let me sleep.

I don't understand why this is happening. Everything around me is in fast forward. I feel like I've been thrown inside a tornado, where everyone and everything is spinning as they should while I just float there, puzzled, dizzy and annoyed. I try to sleep as much as I can now because sleep is my only comfort. Sleeping makes me numb from all the things happening in the real world, and I'm almost thankful that I never remember my dreams. Sleeping without dreaming, i used to hate it. Not knowing where I've been while asleep. But now the idea comforts me because frankly I am scared that my problems would soon visit my dreams and burst the bubble I'm safely hiding in. Another thing I love about sleeping is that moment- the few seconds before my mind comes back to reality, the moment it observes my surroundings and decides the setting I am in, my dreams or my real life. That split second of a moment where my brain is lost and trying to switch from my dreams and reality gives me hope and pleasure. Because in that moment I say to myself, maybe it was all just a dream, a bad dream, a terrible joke, but no matter how hard I pinch myself, I quickly come back to reality and my whole soul drowns in despair. I get stuck in a trance, hoping someone would bump my head wake me up and take me away from the place I'm in. This cannot be happening to me. I can hear every second tick, the sound of it is getting louder and louder, making me feel more alive in the real world. I wish I can turn back time. For the first time in my life, I wish I could.

Oh no. Not you again!

I am obsessed. There is no other way of saying it. I just can't stop thinking about this thing. (note/tip: call someone you are obsessed with "thing", who knows you might obsess less?) This thing is there every fucking time I think of something that makes me happy or smile. Get out of my brain please!

All I want is this.

"And then you meet that one person and your life is changed...forever."

Fashion Notes.

I am blogging this because I do not want to forget.
Something from Ms. Franca Sozzani, editor in chief of Vogue Italia.

To think of yourself in a way that doesn't belong to you to the core makes us appear different than we are. By interpretino a role that doesn't suit us, we get confused by who we are. To appear as we are should be a positive message. This is fundamental. I appear at my best. My best. Not somebody else who doesn't have anything to do with me, my thoughts or attitude.

We tend to think it's fashion's fault because it conditions people, creates stereotypes, makes us think that appearances count more than anything. It's false. Fashion gives suggestions, if a person is weak and follows anything fashion dictates, going against his or her age, character, size, it's not the fault of fashion. It's a lack of personality.

To appear is to appear, to make people like you must be very tiring. It's probably frustrating, almost alienating. When there is no truth, you are able to appear a certain way for a moment, but then everything ends, and you end up alone.

To appear perfect exalts your own personality, if it matches who we are. If you do the opposite you are only a substitute. And you don't get the main role.

 I got it here.

for my "Epic-taph"

"Only the phoenix rises and does not descend.

And everything changes.

And nothing is truly lost."

— Neil Gaiman (The Wake)

I should remember this.

"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself."
— Neil Gaiman

uh-huh!

Yesterday I made a new playlist on my iTunes it's called "When all else fails." I know. I know. Oh my gosh I am so dramatic. My sister calls me a drama queen all the time. I am so Not! Well, maybe I am.  I don't try to be, but I just feel like when I have a problem, everything around me is collapsing and falling apart. Since music is my therapy for all sorts of bad emotions, I made a list. I only have a few songs now. First on the list is "Something Good Can Work" by Two Door Cinema Club and then I also added Kid Cudi's song "Pursuit of Happiness" I love the video and the message of the song. Take a look.

 I just want to add, Jesse Eisenberg, the curly haired dude from Zombieland and The Social Network, he is cute. It's soooo CURLY! i die! :)