wake me up or let me sleep.

I don't understand why this is happening. Everything around me is in fast forward. I feel like I've been thrown inside a tornado, where everyone and everything is spinning as they should while I just float there, puzzled, dizzy and annoyed. I try to sleep as much as I can now because sleep is my only comfort. Sleeping makes me numb from all the things happening in the real world, and I'm almost thankful that I never remember my dreams. Sleeping without dreaming, i used to hate it. Not knowing where I've been while asleep. But now the idea comforts me because frankly I am scared that my problems would soon visit my dreams and burst the bubble I'm safely hiding in. Another thing I love about sleeping is that moment- the few seconds before my mind comes back to reality, the moment it observes my surroundings and decides the setting I am in, my dreams or my real life. That split second of a moment where my brain is lost and trying to switch from my dreams and reality gives me hope and pleasure. Because in that moment I say to myself, maybe it was all just a dream, a bad dream, a terrible joke, but no matter how hard I pinch myself, I quickly come back to reality and my whole soul drowns in despair. I get stuck in a trance, hoping someone would bump my head wake me up and take me away from the place I'm in. This cannot be happening to me. I can hear every second tick, the sound of it is getting louder and louder, making me feel more alive in the real world. I wish I can turn back time. For the first time in my life, I wish I could.

Oh no. Not you again!

I am obsessed. There is no other way of saying it. I just can't stop thinking about this thing. (note/tip: call someone you are obsessed with "thing", who knows you might obsess less?) This thing is there every fucking time I think of something that makes me happy or smile. Get out of my brain please!

All I want is this.

"And then you meet that one person and your life is changed...forever."

Fashion Notes.

I am blogging this because I do not want to forget.
Something from Ms. Franca Sozzani, editor in chief of Vogue Italia.

To think of yourself in a way that doesn't belong to you to the core makes us appear different than we are. By interpretino a role that doesn't suit us, we get confused by who we are. To appear as we are should be a positive message. This is fundamental. I appear at my best. My best. Not somebody else who doesn't have anything to do with me, my thoughts or attitude.

We tend to think it's fashion's fault because it conditions people, creates stereotypes, makes us think that appearances count more than anything. It's false. Fashion gives suggestions, if a person is weak and follows anything fashion dictates, going against his or her age, character, size, it's not the fault of fashion. It's a lack of personality.

To appear is to appear, to make people like you must be very tiring. It's probably frustrating, almost alienating. When there is no truth, you are able to appear a certain way for a moment, but then everything ends, and you end up alone.

To appear perfect exalts your own personality, if it matches who we are. If you do the opposite you are only a substitute. And you don't get the main role.

 I got it here.

for my "Epic-taph"

"Only the phoenix rises and does not descend.

And everything changes.

And nothing is truly lost."

— Neil Gaiman (The Wake)

I should remember this.

"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself."
— Neil Gaiman

uh-huh!

Yesterday I made a new playlist on my iTunes it's called "When all else fails." I know. I know. Oh my gosh I am so dramatic. My sister calls me a drama queen all the time. I am so Not! Well, maybe I am.  I don't try to be, but I just feel like when I have a problem, everything around me is collapsing and falling apart. Since music is my therapy for all sorts of bad emotions, I made a list. I only have a few songs now. First on the list is "Something Good Can Work" by Two Door Cinema Club and then I also added Kid Cudi's song "Pursuit of Happiness" I love the video and the message of the song. Take a look.

 I just want to add, Jesse Eisenberg, the curly haired dude from Zombieland and The Social Network, he is cute. It's soooo CURLY! i die! :)

Begin Anywhere, then connect the dots backwards.

I couldn't sleep well last night. I was trying to figure out my future. I know, that was a very stupid thing to do. It used up all my remaining brain cells and managed to drain both my emotional and physical energy.
Why the hell do it?
I lay in bed, stare at the ceiling, I get tired, turn off the lights, then continue to stare at the dark space above me. I see nothing. Every night, this happens. I keep forcing my brain to come up with a detailed plan on how I should live my life. I somehow fall asleep, and I am thankful that despite the shit that goes on in my brain, my body gives up and shuts down automatically. Sleep used to be the only place I have Peace, but now even Peace got bored in my Sleep.

I am constantly bothered and worried. I keep looking for the best and fail-proof thing to do(so as not to disappoint others), that as a result of too much thinking and worrying, I end up with nothing. I know I should stop doing this and I will. There is no progress in just thinking my brains out all the time. There is no movement. I am still in the same place I was last year, still "thinking about it." I am tired.

Bruce Mau said in his Incomplete Manifesto:

9. "Begin Anywhere"
John Cage tells us that not knowing where to begin is a common form of paralysis. His advice: begin anywhere.

So like he said, or I guess like John Cage said: begin anywhere. No more specific detailed structured fail-proof plan. I should just begin. Anywhere. After reading this and then staring at it for 15 minutes or so, I realized that where you start is not important at all,  where it brings you is what matters.

Steve Jobs also said something about connecting the dots backwards. In a Stanford graduation speech he said:

"Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life."

That paragraph hit me in the head. Somehow it all became clear to me. Here are some of the other things I liked that he said from that speech.

"Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle."

 Lastly, he talked about Death.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.
source.

Inspirational Speeches, Quotations, Manifestos, Self-help plans, I read most of them. They keep me sane and I like them. They are like magic words sewn together to give purpose to paralyzed souls, dramatically speaking. I have more!

“However unhappy a person may be, the moment he knows the purpose of his life a switch is turned and the light is on... If he has to strive after that purpose all his life, he does not mind so long as he knows what the purpose is.
“Ten such people have much greater power than a thousand people working from morning till evening not knowing the purpose of their life.”
–H.I. Khan

Although I still have no clue as to what will happen to me next, the lessons that these people taught me made my life easier and bearable. No one ever really knows where they are going until they reach their destination. I hope for the best this 2011. I hope when I look back, I can be proud to say that I have learned something from this year. I have 11 months and 12 days to work it.

X -fingers crossed!

Meet 10-second Tom and Jerry Maguire.

Last Tuesday night, my sisters and I kept hearing a "meowing" sound near the bathroom so we were all freaked out and curious as hell. We thought it was a big rat inside the walls of our house. Yikes! Our house was built way before the Japanese occupied the Philippines so it is really really old, and finding weird animals inside the house is not new to us, but it still gives us the creeps. We had bats, snakes, and spiders. It is both fun and scary living here. So far our latest (and cutest) discovery are two kittens. We opened the fuse box of our house, where we heard the meows, and to our surprise there they were, two cute kittens. My mom was hysterical, she kept saying "how did they get there? how did they get there? HOW DID THEY GET THERE?" We were shocked! I mean why the fudge do we have cats inside our house walls and how did they get there?!!? It was so surreal. We were all laughing and and freaked out at the same time. My mom wanted to give them away, but I want to keep them because not everyone finds two kittens in their walls. We need to name them something, I said! No one knew we were going to have cats that night so due to our unpreparedness, we thought of the first cat we ever knew! Tom and Jerry! I know one of them is a mouse but, it makes sense since we originally thought they were a big rat. I just added "10-second" and "Maguire" so they wouldn't be so umm, unoriginal. haha. 10-second tom and jerry maguire! I think they are only a few weeks old. They are about 5 inches and they walk funny! They still have wobbly legs. Hihi. I was always a dog person before, but now these two cute kittens are making my heart melt. Look at them cuties!

tom & jerry after their discovery: shaking.

tom is more fierce.

tom & jerry hiding under the table.

left: Tom. right: Jerry Maguire.

just hanging out at our parisian litter box.

jerry, on the right,  is more playful and adventurous.

Is he?

Until I meet the real thing, this vague memory of a guy I used to like will always be Bleeker to me.

Night and Day.

Fear of the Unknown. They are afraid of new ideas. They are loaded with prejudices, not based upon anything in reality, but based on... if something is new, I reject it immediately because it's frightening to me. What they do instead is just stay with the familiar. You know, to me, the most beautiful things in all the universe, are the most mysterious.

Night and Day Photo Source 

Things I found on the Internet today.

Who cares what the packaging looks like? This stuff is great! Ok, I admit...the middle nutella looks cuter.

Nutella Photo Source

I love Tim Burton's Films. Click  Source below to see more posters.

 Tim Burton's Movie Posters

Aurora Borealis: wish I can see one before I die.

Aurora Borealis Source

My sister bought me a red weekly planner moleskine. It is so neat!
Watch the cool video!

MINI PLANNERS from Moleskine ® on Vimeo.
A new video by dutch artist Rogier Wieland illustrates the new Moleskine Extra Small Planners, Weekly and Daily. http://www.moleskine.com  

2011. start here --> My Pursuit of Happiness

Here it is, my first post for this year. I am thrilled that 2011 is here because if 2012 turned out to be the end of the world then I better make this year count! I am spending the last days of my vacation by making sense of my life and how I should run it. So far I am not making progress except for the sure fact that I want to move out, meet new people, and learn new things. I am 23 years old. I am old. I feel like I've lived inside a bubble for far too long. There are so many things I want to learn, so many people I want to meet, and so many places I want to see. I must get out and see what's out there before I get really old and loose all hope. The only thing I am sure of is that I have to do it. I do not even know what I mean by "it" because "it" can be anything, that part I still need to figure out. What is important for me is to DO "it." Does that make sense? Anyway, I watched two very inspiring films today: The September Issue and Influencers. They are the reason I am blogging like this again. Like I have a mission to fulfill, which is great because I do not feel like that everyday. I am posting the link in hopes of inspiring new people and my future uninspired self.

Since it is the new year, I thought of  3 resolutions for this year. Three because the more resolutions I make the harder it is for me to remember them and stick by them.

1. In all situations, I must DO THE RIGHT THING.

2. Exercise and smile more often.

3. To inspire and be inspired. 

INFLUENCERS FULL VERSION from R+I creative on Vimeo.
INFLUENCERS is a short documentary that explores what it means to be an influencer and how trends and creativity become contagious today in music, fashion and entertainment.



The film attempts to understand the essence of influence, what makes a person influential without taking a statistical or metric approach.



Written and Directed by Paul Rojanathara and Davis Johnson, the film is a Polaroid snapshot of New York influential creatives (advertising, design, fashion and entertainment) who are shaping today's pop culture.



"Influencers" belongs to the new generation of short films, webdocs, which combine the documentary style and the online experience.



www.influencersfilm.com

www.facebook.com/influencersfilm

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Director's Note: http://on.fb.me/bQ3kHj

Playlist: http://on.fb.me/cve0yF